How Internalized Ableism impacts Self-Compassion

Many people struggle to extend nonjudgmental compassion to themselves and others without a reason they perceive to be acceptable or valid .

• Keep reading to learn more about how to manage this form of internalized ableism and how to explore this overcontrolled perspective.

• To learn more about neuronorms, read our other blog post about The Neurodiversity Paradigm.

Humans often feel resistance to unexpected outcomes, or lived experiences that deviate from our conscious/unconscious expectations. This resistance may manifest as frustration, judgment, resentment, bitterness, grief, shame, or other distressing emotions. This resistance may not subside until we find an acceptable reason for the discrepancy between the reality of our lived experience and our conscious/unconscious expectations.

• For example, if a student is late to class or an employee is late to a meeting, we may judge them and express frustration. 

• However, when we learn that their tardiness is due to a family medical emergency or a minor car accident, our frustration and judgment dissipates because we perceive the reason for their tardiness to be acceptable and valid. 

• Alternatively, if we learn that their tardiness is due to them stopping to eat breakfast at a cafe or window shop at the mall, our frustration and judgment may increase because we perceive the reason for their tardiness to be unacceptable and invalid.

Similarly, some people struggle to extend self-compassion without a formal DSM-V diagnosis to describe their symptoms and experiences. This is often due to the unconscious overcontrolled expectation that they need an acceptable reason for their lived experience to deviate from neuronormative expectations.

• For example, if an individual’s somatic, emotional, cognitive, sociocultural, and behavioral lived experiences deviate from societal neuronormative expectations, they may experience internalized ableism in the form of self-judgment and low self-esteem. (ex: I'm awkward)

• However, if their lived experiences match DSM-V diagnostic criteria and they receive a formal medical diagnosis of a DSM-V “disorder”, their self-judgment may dissipate because they perceive the reason for the discrepancy between their lived experiences and societal neuronormative expectations to be acceptable and valid. (ex: I have social anxiety)

• Alternatively, if their lived experiences do not match DSM-V diagnostic criteria and they do not receive a formal medical diagnosis of a DSM-V “disorder" or they question the meaning of the diagnosis, their self-judgment may increase because they perceive it as a lack of a valid or acceptable reason for the discrepancy between their lived experiences and neuronormative social expectations. (ex: I'm abnormal)
  

Internalized ableism is the internalization of neuronormative societal bias against individuals with disabilities. Internalized ableism is often accompanied by low self-esteem, a lack of nonjudgmental self-compassion, feelings of being unworthy or undeserving of acceptance and accommodation, and hopelessness that sometimes leads to learned helplessness and extreme demand avoidance. Individuals who experience internalized ableism often have an abundance of compassion for disabled people in general, but feel like they "aren't disabled enough" to be deserving of accommodation and meaningful inclusion. 

• For example, if a person needs additional accommodations and supports in order to accomplish activities of daily living or engage in the task-based demands required by our modern society, they might feel like a burden to their loved ones.

• If a person struggles to communicate or move their body in neuronormative ways, they might feel like something is "wrong" with them and experience a sense of low self-esteem or self-worth.

Diagnostic privilege occurs when an individual’s Stress Response System patterns align with DSM-V diagnostic criteria, resulting in formal medical diagnosis. Diagnostic privilege allows access to opportunities, accommodations, and support; can provide validation of lived experience and struggle; and often leads to enhanced empowerment and self-compassion.

If diagnostic labels feel empowering and accurate to you, you should use them!

If diagnostic labels feel disempowering and inaccurate to you, of if you do not experience diagnostic privilege and feel lost, there are many alternative paradigms that might help you make sense of your experiences.

The pathological Medical Model is only one model; there are many others to explore that don’t require you to label yourself as “disordered”, “deficient”, defective, abnormal, or maladaptive in any way. Examples include the Neurodiversity Model, Salutogenic Health Model, Liberation Health Model, Feminist Model, Humanist Model, Disability Justice Model, and many others, none of which are predicated by the assumption that unique manifestations of sociocultural and neurodiversity can be pathologized as disordered or deficient in any way. 

The Neurodiversity Paradigm invites us to transcend the pathological Medical Model of psychiatry, adopting a nonjudgmental and compassionate perspective of openness, inclusion, and respect for all forms of diversity so we may feel deserving of accommodation and support. Without feeling worthy of acceptance and accommodation, we cannot effectively and assertively self-advocate, or speak up for our wants and needs, in order to create a meaningful inclusive communities.